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anonof5puns:

forgivensam:

dick-jenga:

a muggleborn student gets called a mudblood, so they lick their hand and wipe it on the pureblood’s face, singing “got mud on your face, you big disgrace, somebody better put you back into your place”

all the muggleborns in the vicinity immediately go *STOMP STOMP CLAP* repeatedly gettting closer and closer to the pureblood

and the pureblood’s like “holy shit is this some muggle damning ritual or something AM I GOING TO HELL I’M SORRY”

(via araceil)

Filed under we will rock you queen harry potter BAHAHAHAHAHA this needs to happen is this some muggle damning ritual

934,183 notes

amnesiatoast:

tardis-mind-palace:

tiptreecrossing:

legendofkorraholyshit:

generalbumi:

arnanduh:

shittyme:


ionlyblogturtles:

livingmywayeveryday:



vickified:




“If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?”



lol yes, so then i can shave.



Has anyone written a book about this yet? I think it’d be interesting!!!!!!

     One minute, 37 seconds.     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.     One minute, 29 secods.     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.     One minute, six seconds.     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.      54 seconds.     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?     30 seconds.     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.     25 seconds.     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.     20 seconds.     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.     19. Faster.     18. Quicker.     17. More rapid.     16.  It’s racing.     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.     10 seconds.     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.     5. My heart has given up entirely.     4. I stop walking.     3. Just waiting left.     2. Everything is about to change.     1. Deep breath.
     0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s
     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”


^^^ THIS IS AMAZING

i think youre gonna write the book i nominate you you have no choice go get writing now

(I’d like to play what would happen in the ultimate plot twist)
“Thats weird…” I checked my wrist, the clock had just hit the 30 second mark but I looked around and there was no one there. I was a worrisome guy overall but I felt justified, I mean today was the day I was meeting my soul mate. Not that I expected my dream girl to be in the storage closet at work but still I was nervous. 
Walking out with a box the boss had requested I walked back to my cash register setting it on the shelf. My wrist hit the 20 second mark
19 seconds
18 seconds
Where was she? I could not help but get worried that an error would pop up or that she was gone and my timer would run out with no response. I panicked, I’d change my own fate if I had to. Running out of time I hurried through the back door. There was a park outside and maybe I was supposed to be there to find my soul mate. 
10 seconds
9 seconds
A faint ding of the doorbell hit my ear. Wait was that it?? She was here! I turned around running back to the counter. “Don’t worry I’m just in the back!”
I ran out looking at my wrist as it hit zero. Out of breath “Hi I’m Matt!” Sticking out my hand for a handshake it was met by a firm hand. Meeting my soulmate’s eyes for the first time they spoke. 
“I’m Steven.” The man gave a smile “It’s nice to meet you.” 

OH MY GOD 

 I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something. ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her. ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds. She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds. ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere. The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old.  I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace. I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.
 Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief. ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art. 4 seconds He spots her. 3 seconds His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope. 2 seconds My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him. 1 second - ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.
 I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.
 I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it. 
 The numbers have never changed.
 They’ve always been at 0.

OKAY THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS FUCKING JESUS

My brother had great plans for his life. He was going to study, have a career, do amazing things. What those things he planned to do were don’t matter now – he never got to do them. Why?
His numbers ticked down and he met his soul mate.
She was beautiful and kind and exactly everything and anything my brother could’ve ever wanted. She wanted to do great things too. What those things were again doesn’t matter - she didn’t get to do them either. Why?
Her numbers ticked down and she met her soul mate.
I watched it from the sidelines. Him through his childhood all the way up until he met her. Watched him as he grew from inquisitive child to overly confident teen to ambitious young man. I was proud of him, I was sure he would be great and awesome and our whole family would be proud of him too. And later on I heard about her – she was the same way. Bright child, proud youth, brilliant young woman.
Then they met each other and at the ticking of the numbers, completely lost their minds.
It happens to everyone to some extend, when their numbers tick down. They find their perfect opposite, the thing that complete their lives – and then after that, what is there to be achieved? They have everything they need in their perfect person, made just for them. What do ambitions and future hopes matter, when they have that at arms reach – and what more, that something wants them too? And neither of them had to work for it, just wait and snap. Their life is completely.
He stopped studying, she trashed her plans – they were pregnant within the month. And when asked about their plans they both say; “I already have everything I want. Why bother?”
That’s probably what everyone says, after their numbers tick down. The Soul-Date numbers are biological imperative, after all. Their only goal to unite those “meant” for each other for the perpetuation of human race and after they tick down, that’s all that there’s left. The perpetuation of human race.
They have six children now. Beautiful, health individuals, all of them. All with timers on their wrists, counting down.
Me? Me they locked up in a asylum at age of fourteen, for cutting my hand off at the wrist. Me they call insane, criminal, evil – and if I hadn’t been pronounced insane, I would’ve been charged for crime against humanity, for depriving my perfect opposite of the chance of having their perfect match. How dare I do such a monstrous thing?
How dare I?
 

amnesiatoast:

tardis-mind-palace:

tiptreecrossing:

legendofkorraholyshit:

generalbumi:

arnanduh:

shittyme:

ionlyblogturtles:

livingmywayeveryday:

vickified:

If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?

lol yes, so then i can shave.

Has anyone written a book about this yet? I think it’d be interesting!!!!!!

     One minute, 37 seconds.
     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.
     One minute, 29 secods.
     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.
     One minute, six seconds.
     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.
      54 seconds.
     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?
     30 seconds.
     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.
     25 seconds.
     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.
     20 seconds.
     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.
     19. Faster.
     18. Quicker.
     17. More rapid.
     16.  It’s racing.
     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.
     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.
     10 seconds.
     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.
     5. My heart has given up entirely.
     4. I stop walking.
     3. Just waiting left.
     2. Everything is about to change.
     1. Deep breath.

     0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s

     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.
     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”
     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”

^^^ THIS IS AMAZING

i think youre gonna write the book i nominate you you have no choice go get writing now

(I’d like to play what would happen in the ultimate plot twist)

“Thats weird…” I checked my wrist, the clock had just hit the 30 second mark but I looked around and there was no one there. I was a worrisome guy overall but I felt justified, I mean today was the day I was meeting my soul mate. Not that I expected my dream girl to be in the storage closet at work but still I was nervous. 

Walking out with a box the boss had requested I walked back to my cash register setting it on the shelf. My wrist hit the 20 second mark

19 seconds

18 seconds

Where was she? I could not help but get worried that an error would pop up or that she was gone and my timer would run out with no response. I panicked, I’d change my own fate if I had to. Running out of time I hurried through the back door. There was a park outside and maybe I was supposed to be there to find my soul mate. 

10 seconds

9 seconds

A faint ding of the doorbell hit my ear. Wait was that it?? She was here! I turned around running back to the counter. “Don’t worry I’m just in the back!”

I ran out looking at my wrist as it hit zero. Out of breath “Hi I’m Matt!” Sticking out my hand for a handshake it was met by a firm hand. Meeting my soulmate’s eyes for the first time they spoke. 

“I’m Steven.” The man gave a smile “It’s nice to meet you.” 

OH MY GOD 

 I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something.
 ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her.
 ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds.
 She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds.
 ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere.

 The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old. 
 I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace.

 I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.

 Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief.
 ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art.
 4 seconds
 He spots her.
 3 seconds
 His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope.
 2 seconds
 My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him.
 1 second -
 ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.

 I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.

 I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it. 

 The numbers have never changed.

 They’ve always been at 0.

OKAY THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS FUCKING JESUS

My brother had great plans for his life. He was going to study, have a career, do amazing things. What those things he planned to do were don’t matter now – he never got to do them. Why?

His numbers ticked down and he met his soul mate.

She was beautiful and kind and exactly everything and anything my brother could’ve ever wanted. She wanted to do great things too. What those things were again doesn’t matter - she didn’t get to do them either. Why?

Her numbers ticked down and she met her soul mate.

I watched it from the sidelines. Him through his childhood all the way up until he met her. Watched him as he grew from inquisitive child to overly confident teen to ambitious young man. I was proud of him, I was sure he would be great and awesome and our whole family would be proud of him too. And later on I heard about her – she was the same way. Bright child, proud youth, brilliant young woman.

Then they met each other and at the ticking of the numbers, completely lost their minds.

It happens to everyone to some extend, when their numbers tick down. They find their perfect opposite, the thing that complete their lives – and then after that, what is there to be achieved? They have everything they need in their perfect person, made just for them. What do ambitions and future hopes matter, when they have that at arms reach – and what more, that something wants them too? And neither of them had to work for it, just wait and snap. Their life is completely.

He stopped studying, she trashed her plans – they were pregnant within the month. And when asked about their plans they both say; “I already have everything I want. Why bother?”

That’s probably what everyone says, after their numbers tick down. The Soul-Date numbers are biological imperative, after all. Their only goal to unite those “meant” for each other for the perpetuation of human race and after they tick down, that’s all that there’s left. The perpetuation of human race.

They have six children now. Beautiful, health individuals, all of them. All with timers on their wrists, counting down.

Me? Me they locked up in a asylum at age of fourteen, for cutting my hand off at the wrist. Me they call insane, criminal, evil – and if I hadn’t been pronounced insane, I would’ve been charged for crime against humanity, for depriving my perfect opposite of the chance of having their perfect match. How dare I do such a monstrous thing?

How dare I?

 

(Source: illness-and-instruments)

Filed under writing oh my god soul mates this is how i find out tumblr works in china